70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
