seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
