Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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