Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
