Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Randomize
