The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
