Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
