first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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