Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
whose parrot is this?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
