her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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