the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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