im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
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