Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
