I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
