Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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