do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
