she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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