this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
