You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Can you bring me the toilet please
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
