I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
