It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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