dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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