be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
