Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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