So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
