textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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