it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
organizing the empties. That sober.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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