meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
