You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
