At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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