you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
