why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
