I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
