I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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