That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
