I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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