Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Life is so much better after having sex.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
