Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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