mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
