If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
