Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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