things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
