I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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