I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
