I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
