I am puke
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
