Girls should come with a carfax report
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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