ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
