Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
