I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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